I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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