Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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