You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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