So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
