my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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