How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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