Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
