Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
