He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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