Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
