Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
