I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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