a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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