Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
