I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
