Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
