Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I want to be your penis for a week.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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