Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
