Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
