so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
