Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
