First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
