Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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