So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
