My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
