hotel room ftw
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
