Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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