I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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