stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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