i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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