Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
