if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
