And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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