Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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