Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
from now on my penis is your penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
