whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
