Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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