Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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