I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
