Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
