Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize