PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
