i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
