I hope mine doesn't look like that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
