The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
