I just threw up on my dentist
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
