Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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