I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
