# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize