see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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