dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need to calm my uterus...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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