My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
