Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Every concussion has its silver lining
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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