the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
