so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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