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• (415): View more from California

  shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I'm down.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties

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  27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.

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• 

  23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me

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• (207): View more from Maine

  after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day

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