I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
