very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too