everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
