oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.