i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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