I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
