OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize