from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
