If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
