there's paper in my vomit.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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