Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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