just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
