1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
