I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize