dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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