I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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