margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
