I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
