If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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